Here’s a visual of the itinerary. 

Notice that it states: Due to security reasons, all guests must be on board 2 hours before sailing. Disembarkation usually begins 2 hours after docking. 

Therefore, you don’t have as much time at port as it appears. Proceed with caution with plans for excursions.  Especially in Cabo where it’s a tender day.  No, not chicken tenders, read ahead for more details.  I know Rick and I will not be very excursion-y.  We may instead hang by the pool or get a discounted massage or blow out (cheaper to schedule on port days).  

While some additional terminology will be covered later, let’s cover some basics that are good to know:

• Sail Away = The time that the ship is scheduled to leave the port.

• All Aboard Time = The time that you must be onboard the ship prior to sailing — typically two hours prior to Sail Away. This is also the time that we try to find a bar facing the dock to watch the pier runners (aka: the people frantically running to the boat late in the hope that they are allowed to board).

• Disembarkation = The slightly chaotic ritual where you and a few thousand of your closest strangers all try to leave the ship at the same time at port or while crying that your cruise is over.  

• Stateroom = A sleeping quarters on a boat is referred to as a stateroom. Using the term “room number” rather than “stateroom number” makes you look like a total amateur.

• Gangway = The ramp from which you disembark the boat to land (or reembark the boat after getting drunk onshore). Don’t worry, It is not surrounded by gang members with knives like the name implies.

• Tender = The small boat that ferries you ashore in ports when the cruise ship can’t pull up to the port like a boss thanks, shallow waters (ie: Cabo). 

• Bridge = The control room on the boat from where the Captain guides the ship (compared to on land where it is just a boring game played by senior citizens). 

• Bridge Bridge anyone? = Playing cards with the Captain while he guides the ship? Julie just made this one up to see if you are all still paying attention.

• Drink of the Day = One of the more fun things on the boat is the “Drink of the Day”. Each day all of the bars serve a designated drink of the day, which we all need to drink no matter how wretchedly terrible they are because, you know, it’s the drink of the day!

And last—but absolutely not least (seriously, tattoo this on your brain): 

• Ship Time = This mystical force is the #1 thing you need to know, unless you want to be the star of a slow-motion “Waaaaait foooooor meeeeee!” scene as the ship sails off into the sunset. Here’s the deal: cruise ships don’t care about regular time zones. They follow their own clock—called Ship Time—which may or may not match the local time, your phone’s time, or reality in general. Even better? It can change. Repeatedly. Without warning. Like a cat deciding whether it loves you or wants to knock your drink off the table.

Listen to the Captain’s announcements like your vacation depends on it—because it does. This is not like ignoring the morning announcements in high school. Missing Ship Time can cost you your cocktail hour, your dinner reservation, or your actual ride home. Literally.

Insider Tip
If you don’t pay attention to ship time and the designated all aboard time, it can lead to you having what is known as a “shit time”. While it sounds similar to “ship time”, it consists of being stuck in port looking for a flight home while you watch your family sail away over the horizon. 

Pro Tip
When an all aboard time is announced, the time is determined by ship time and not the local time of the port. It can be extremely confusing — particularly when you have the all you can drink and eat package! With it being very important that we all get our drunken, just went up three pants sizes, selves, back aboard, it is a good idea to turn off automatic time zone changes on your phone and make sure it is in sync with ship time every time that you disembark at a port.

About That Cruise App…

Remember when we said there was an official app to communicate once we’re at sea? Yeah… about that. Turns out it REAAALLLy didn’t work well. So not well, in fact, that it no longer supports texting! But it is still really important to have! So still download it and get hooked up!

An official apology to Jim, who had already downloaded it and still got called out: Yes, even you, Jim “I-don’t-do-apps” Brewer.

So, new plan: we’re going old-school. No app. No magic WiFi chat. Just your voice, your legs, and maybe the occasional handwritten note slipped under a stateroom door like it’s 1997. If you want to find someone, you’ll have to do it the classic way—wander around until you spot them, bribe a bartender for intel, or shout their name until security asks you to stop – so just the sweet sound of your actual voice.

You remember how to use that, right? Room to room stateroom calls are FREE!!

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